It’s been another whammy of a week. I had been feeling better from the ulcerative colitis, and the several days of rest really seemed to help. The new strain of marijuana really helps with my ability to eat, although spending three days basically in bed has aggravated my sciatica really badly. Isn’t that just my luck? I saw the orthopedist, who prescribed physical therapy, since I’d rather at least try that than just running to epidural injections or steroids, which can have unpleasant side effects, to say the least. I just had my PT evaluation on Thursday, and I have to schedule appointments for next week. I’ve been in PT for several years, just alternating areas as my body experiences one injury or issue after another. Luckily, my PT place is awesome and does really good work.

I’m starting to notice that I am letting my week and feelings influence my blog posts, so this week I want to talk about taking breaks. Last week was a total break for me. I didn’t put pressure on myself to do anything but rest. It’s really the first break that I’ve taken in a while from all of my responsibilities. The only reason I probably took such a long break is because I was really feeling unwell and couldn’t do much more than sleep. Once I got past that phase, I needed some time to recover, and spent a lot of time laying in random positions that didn’t aggravate sciatic pain while on top of a heating pad. I’m honestly sitting on the heating pad as I type this, and it’s the only time I feel any better. Fingers crossed that PT works quickly and effectively to provide some relief.

Normally, I aim to post daily. I’m a fast reader, and also participate in Top Ten Tuesday and First Lines Friday every week, along with this discussion post, so I can schedule posts in advance. I’m still aiming to get a couple of weeks in advance posted so that i don’t have to worry about taking a break if I’m not feeling well or have something come up that interferes with my posting. However, I’m still clinging to the idea that I’ll be able to post that regularly on a consistent basis, while my health is telling me something else.

For me, it feels a little like when I first got sick enough that disability was my only option, or even thinking father back, to when I first developed health issues. I was in the best shape of my life: going to the gym 5-6 times a week; eating only healthy, clean, unprocessed food that I prepared at home, and living on my own. Slowly, I started having more pain in my feet and legs and lower back, and I wasn’t able to waitress any more. I had severe digestive issues that multiple doctors couldn’t figure out (I even stumped the Mayo Clinic) that led my doctor to suggest a rheumatologist, who diagnosed me with Ankylosing Spondylitis, a type of inflammatory arthritis that can lead to fusion of bones and a characteristic hunched back posture if not treated. It wasn’t until nearly a decade later that I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, which means I can’t take NSAIDs. Ultimately, one day my legs just wouldn’t support me, and I went on short-term disability while I got care, and then ended up applying for disability. After four years, I was approved, and since then have spent nearly as much time as a full-time job on just taking care of my health: attending doctor appointments, following doctor guidance, doing physical therapy, testing different medications, and then attending more doctor appointments to treat the side effects of the medications I need to take.

When I need a break from everything, it signals to me that I’m not prioritizing my health over responsibilities. However, I’m now seeing that as my illnesses arise and affect me, that I need to readjust the expectations I hold for myself. I had to grieve for my body’s lost capabilities upon diagnosis, but I didn’t realize that it was going to be an ongoing process. I’m learning a lot as I go, and learning how to listen to my body (and mind) when it needs breaks. I have to adjust to my new needs, and taking breaks is now a part of my life. But if I’m taking a real break, it’s going to mean I’m away from the computer, so that my body doesn’t force me to rest when it gets overwhelmed with responsibilities. While taking a week away from life, it really made me realize how relaxing it can be to unplug and unwind.

How often do you take breaks?