Hell If We Don’t Change Our Ways: A Memoir

• Author: Brittany Means
• Genre: Memoir
• Publication Date: October 2, 2023
• Publisher: Zibby Books

Thank you to libro.fm and Zibby Books for providing me with an ALC of this audiobook. I am offering my honest opinion voluntarily.

Brittany Means’s childhood was filled with abuse, neglect, violence, and instability, in part caused by her and her mother’s nomadic existence. Poverty, sexual assault, and evangelical Christian culture didn’t help. Spending her childhood riding shotgun as her mother struggled to escape abusive relationships, Brittany’s life was a blur of highways and traumas that collapsed any effort to track time. With no money and only burned bridges behind her, Brittany took care of her younger brother, managed the instability of her home life, and attempted to make sense of the troublesome world around her.

As Brittany grew older, struggling through her own complicated relationships, she began to recognize that hell wasn’t only the place she read about in the Bible; it was the experience of her family, caught in a cycle of violence. While untangling the spider web of her most painful memories, Brittany crafts a harrowing tale of self-preservation with a unique narrative style that is part memoir and part modern-day feminist coming-of-age tale. The result is a masterpiece, a marvel, and a sparkling example of a woman’s ability to withstand the most horrific experiences ― and still thrive.    

I’ve read a few really incredible books published by Zibby Books, so this one seemed like it would be another great read. And let me tell you, my guess was right. I’m always intrigued by the idea of a unique narrative style, and an audiobook narrated by the author is irresistible. 

The author speaks softly, clearly, almost hesitantly, but it makes it clear that she has chosen every word deliberately to tell her story. And I was rapt—hanging on every word as she recounted her most joyful and difficult memories of childhood. Through all of it, she spoke without emotion—her voice remained monotone, showing how detached she was from these experiences in order to survive. 

Despite all of the painful experiences, Brittany also shares the good times as well. She talks about the joy of finding a friend who she connected with for the first time, which was a bittersweet moment to me. Listening to this broke my heart for the child that Brittany was, because this child had to basically figure out life on her own, and not just for herself, but for her younger brother as well. 

Having systems set up to protect children is all well and good, but far too many children slip through the cracks. Brittany and her brother are just two examples of this when even a single child getting overlooked by the system is too many, and that’s if the system works ideally. And I think we all know that the system is far from functioning at an ideal level. 

The best part of this book, for me, is the part where Brittany is finally able to take steps away from the toxic ties in her life and make progress towards self-healing. It’s clear that she has done a lot of work on herself in many different areas—her family situation, relationships, and her mental health, to name a few of the biggest ones. It was incredible to see the amount of growth that she has been able to make, after a lifetime of dysfunction. 

While I didn’t really track content warnings while listening to this audiobook, I think it is important to note that there are some pretty major ones to be aware of: child abuse, neglect, and sexual assault; racist microaggressions and outright racism; internalized racism; addiction; suicidal ideation; domestic violence; and toxic relationships. If you can handle all of that, this is one of those books that has real value.

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